7
Jan

Why when your nice does everything fall apart?

  • Im 19 im a female and ever since i was young things would never go right. im a nice person and i try to do the best to keep everyone feel happy. no girls like me and just ***** about me, i cant make any new friends iv been with my boyfriend for so long but sometimes it feels like i need him so much more than he needs me.

    im in a rut and i dont know what to do, im sick of my life, my appearance and how everything works out i want to be happy but i just dont know how to get to that stage am i on my own here or do others share what i feel.?


  • I dont think it has anything to do with the fact your a nice guy - its natural to feel stuck in a rut.

    I would say that sometimes you need to force a change in your life, it doesnt happen by itself. Dont worry about trying to make everyone else happy, look at what will make you happy and then go make it happen. When your young, you feel you need freindship of your peers to make you happy, but do you really?

    Not saying you have to do anything drastic but how about changing your social circle - go join a club or society with like minded people, go fulfill an ambition.

    Trouble is, nice people are often people who dont like to upset the balance, they just suck up all the abuse and dont force the issue. As you get older, and all your peers grow up a bit, you will meet more genuine people who will accept you for who you are.

    Keep going!!


  • You are suffering from lack of confidence in yourself. You need to go to the bookstore or library and look in the "self help" section for books on gaining self esteem and being confident. Until you learn to love yourself, things will never go right for you. It is all about loving you for what you are and knowing that you are your best, or you are working to become the best you can be.

    When you show confidence in yourself, your relationships will be better and you will be able to make true friends.


  • i no how u feel.
    ive been cheated on twice
    dumped recently then begged for back.
    u get taken for granted.
    girls and guys are weird they reject the ones that treat them so well.
    it may hurt but ur a good person
    so eventually a good man will come 2 u


  • ditch your friends and get new ones. theyre taking advantage of your nice attitude and trying to make u inferior


  • I am 24 and I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I was exactly (well still am) the same and was always very nice to people and never the one to cause trouble or anything and yet it's always appeared as though everything blows up in my face. I had two female cousins who were always nasty towards me (well only when they were TOGETHER with me, individually they were fine) and I never ever new why. I never gave them reason to but they just were that way towards me. They would get praised by everyone (my parents included) and it pissed me off that they didn't see the way they treated me. My mother has favoured my brothers over me for as long as I can remember. She puts her sons on a pedistal and goes on like they're angels and can do no wrong. I know I haven't been perfect but I know I've always been a good person. I feel that I am sweet, kind and genuine but certain aunts, uncles and cousins seem to favour others over me. I don't get it. I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not aware of. Even in school, a lot of the time I was left out and not included in things. It used to get to me so much. I try and fit in, in situations which requires me to do so but I am pretty much excluded sometimes.
    I am now engaged and I must say he is the most amazing man in the world to me. I love him soo much and he treats me exactly the way I want to be treated. He adores and loves me with all his heart. However I also feel as though I want him much more than he wants me. I feel that without him in my life there would be no reason to live. He is a very content person with himself. He's intelligent, funny, loving, caring, generous, etc, etc... His mother worships and adores him, phones him every single day even though he still lives with his parents. Everyone likes him, and I wish he could just relate to how I feel and what I go through. I am often envious of the relationships he has within his family especially the one he has with his mother. My mother doesn't even appear to care about me at all. What have I done to deserve that??
    But, I'm soo grateful for him being in my life. I feel as though he doesn't need me as much as I need him though and he would be just fine without me and that makes me very sad. I love him soo much.

    I think the best advice I can offer you is to grow to love yourself and be content with who you are. Appreciate yourself for who you are and for all the qualities you possess. You need to be whole as an individual first to be completely happy in life. You shouldn't have to rely on anyone to make you happy or for other purposes. Just quit trying to impress other people and don't care so much what they think. Live for yourself. I'm not saying be totally selfish and inconsiderate towards others, but be true to who you are. Find your authentic self and take part in things that interest you and will bring you joy. I am still working on that within myself and my life.... Just so that you know, you are NOT alone :)

    Peace x


  • OHHH to be 19 again....man....


  • Sounds like growing pains to me. I felt the same way you need when I was your age. Life has a way of throwing us curve balls to Challenge us and it's up to us to make the best of it. I suggest you get some help with coping. Some type of coping skills class would help. You need to have a support group or network too to help you get things out. I would also suggest you read books that help promote good self-esteem and self-confidence. Try not to be so hard on yourself and try to go with the flow. If you stop fighting everything things tend to go much smoother.


  • Start by loving yourself and by being happy with what you see when you look in the mirror. Being nice and making everyone happy is not always a good thing because people do tend to take ADVANTAGE of that at times, i'm not saying be mean but do things only if and when you want to.
    Maybe your boyfriend feels overwhelmed with you needing him all the time, do things on your own like going out with friends, visit a salon, get a manicure / pedicure, buy yourself a new outfit, make up, etc. This will do wonders to your self esteem.


  • You know what you need whether or not you know the word for it. I would try looking for some self help internet articles or inspirational quotes when the down is particualrly bad. I'd also look up some of those hobbies or odd interests (no matter how stupid they may seem) you might have always wondered about or been interested in pursuing and while you're at it, maybe try listening to some music you like or get into new music. I'd find ways to exercise or participate in activities that relate to these interests around you.
    I think you have come to a point where things refuse to add up or you feel somethings broken. I think at 19 many people feel this way but when something good breaks down, it must rebuild. I'm not sure if your boyfriend can help you with that, it's up to you to determine. When you think you are ready to handle things again, give it your best new face.
    Good Luck! :)







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